An Ode to the Correspondents’ Dinner (with apologies to Dorothy Parker)

An Ode to the Correspondents’ Dinner (with apologies to Dorothy Parker)
By Craig Shirley

O, hard is the struggle (with an iPhone) and sparse is
The gain of the one at the top of the D.C. dung heap,
For selfie-art is a form of catharsis
A love of reportage failure is a permanent flop,
And work the province of the paparazzi cattle call,
And the rest’s for a happy clam in a shell,
So I’m thinking of drinking too much, throwing up, the battle of the dinner —
Thinking of spending one second with toasted Posties?
My finger down my throat. Ah, relief from the Nerd Prom!
Would you kindly direct me to the hell of Correspondents? A pilgrim in an unholy land.